For One More Day

Since I usually spend around 2hours lying in bed every night the past week waiting for sleep to kick in, I decided to finally catch up on books I bought/borrowed that I haven't had the chance to read.

I settled on Mitch Albom's For One More Day the other night, and like the other 2 books of Albom, I liked this one :) Story-telling at its simplest, hardly no big words, but it does the trick :)

I'm posting some of the few scenes/lines I liked in the book - not really to convince you to read the book. More for my sake, really, than yours :)

You're walkin' along the street, or you're at a party,
Or else you're alone and then you suddenly dig,
You're lookin' in someone's eyes, you suddenly realize
That this could be the start of something big.

:)

^ Part pa rin yan ng book, lyrics of a theme song there. Siningit ko lang dito :) Kasi... wala lang :)

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She wasn't easy on me, don't get me wrong. She smacked me. She scolded me. She punished me. But she loved me. She really did. She loved me falling off a swing set. She loved me stepping on her floors with muddy shoes. She loved me through vomit and snot and bloody knees. She loved me coming and going, at my worst and at my best. She had a bottomless well of love for me.

Her only flaw was that she didn't make me work for it.

You see, here's my theory: Kids chase the love that eludes them, and for me, that was my father's love. He kept it tucked away, like papers in a briefcase. And I kept trying to get in there.

Years later, after her death, I made lists of Times My Mother Stood Up for Me and Times I Did Not Stand Up for My Mother. It was sad, the imbalance of it all. Why do kids assume so much from one parent and hold the other to a lower, looser standard?

Maybe it's like my old man said: You can be a mama's boy or a daddy's boy, but you can't be both. So you cling to the one you think you might lose.

----
She guided me toward a large tree on the corner near our house.

"This was late one night, when I couldn't sleep." She rubbed her hand over the bark as if unearthing an old treasure. "Ah. Still there."

I leaned in. The word PLEASE had been carved into the side. Small crooked letters. You had to look carefully, but there it was. PLEASE.

"You and Roberta weren't the only ones who carved," she said, smiling.

"What is it?"

"A prayer."

"For a child?"

She nodded.

"For me?"

Another nod.

"On a tree?"

"Trees spend all day looking up at God."

I made a face. "I know." She lifted her hands in surrender. "You're so corny, Mom."

She touched the bark again, then made a small hmm sound. She seemed to be considering everything that happened since the afternoon I came into the world. I wondered how that sound would change if she knew the whole story.

"So," she said, moving away, "now you know how badly someone wanted you, Charley. Children forget that sometimes. They think of themselves as a burden instead of a wish granted."

----
"Mom...," I said, haltingly. "Why didn't you just get money from Dad?"

"I didn't need any more from your father. We got by all right, Charley."

"Why didn't you go back to the hospital?" I said.

"They didn't want me."

"Why didn't you fight it?"

"Would that have made you happy?" She sighed. "It wasn't like today, where people sued over the slightest thing. It was the only hospital around. We couldn't just leave town. This was our home. You and your sister had endured enough change. It's all right. I found work."

"Cleaning houses," I mumbled.

"I'm not as ashamed of that as you are," she said.

"But..." I stumbled for words. "You couldn't do the work that mattered to you."

My mother looked at me with a glint of defiance.

"I did what mattered to me," she said. "I was a mother."

----
Here is what you are going to find out about marriage: you have to work at it together. And you have to love three things. You have to love

1) Each other.
2) Your children.
3) Your marraige.

What I mean by that last one is, there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and Catherine won't even like each other. But those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together.

----
"If I'm dead... If I die... do I get to be with you?"

She grinned. "Oh, so now you want to be with me."

Maybe that sounds cold to you. But my mother was just being my mother, a little funny, a little teasing, the way she'd be had we spent this day together before she'd died.

She was also justified. So many times, I had chosen not to be with her. Too busy. Too tired. Don't feel like dealing with it. Church? No thanks. Dinner? Sorry. Come down to visit? Can't do it, maybe next week.

You count the hours you could have spent with your mother. It's a lifetime in itself.

----
I saw in her expression that old, unshakable mountain of concern. And I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.

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"You have one family, Charley. For good or bad. You have one family. You can't trade them in. You can't lie to them. You can't run two at once, substituting back and forth. Sticking with your family is what makes it a family."

----
I've thought a lot about that night. I believe my mother saved my life. I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't.

But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin.

awkward years

Yaaaaaak. Yun lang masasabi ko. Hahahaha. What the hell am I wearing in this picture?!

At anong klaseng buhok yan?! Never mind, yan ata yung times na si Mommy and Daddy pa ang nagugupit sa'min. Hahahaha.

It's just funny looking back at old pictures, because at that particular time when that picture was taken, I'm sure I thought I looked okay, or worse, cool! Yiiiiii :P It happens all the time, right? I'm sure pag binalikan ko lahat ng old pictures ko, I'll cringe at 90% of them :)

And yes, I've really been payatut almost all my life, proof of which is this!!! Hehehehe. Nag-improve na nga ngayon, so wag na magreklamo :P

Lest you think wala akong cute na buto sa katawan ko:


with Tito Nonoy


with my forever roommate, Manang! (malapit nang hindi :()

Not ba na yang 2 pictures sa taas! Eh kasi baby-baby pa ako niyan, binibihisan pa... Kadiri na ang fashion sense pag tungtong ng mga Grade 3, ganun :P

help me up

I read somewhere it doesn't matter how many times you say I love you; what matters is what you do for the person you declare you love.

I have much to learn :)

Last month was one difficult month. Uwi siya ng 1 or 2am, be patient enough to appease my pangungulit at such ungodly hours, sleep intermittently (my fault), wake up at 4am to eat, sleep again, wake up around 7am kasi ako naman yung kelangan mag-office, take me to work, sleep, wake up around 12nn to prepare for work, go to work, withstand my pangungulit throughout the day, go to meetings, process queries and accruals, wait until 6pm to have his first meal of the day.... and the cycle repeated itself everyday.

Not once did I hear him complain. Don't know where he got the strength, but he's a godsend and his actions speak louder than his words ever will :)

----

A friend commented recently that she thinks I'm strong, that she can't imagine going through even half of what I'm going through.

Nah, sabi ko, we all have our own troubles. Kanya-kanya lang yan. That friend of mine, meron ding pinagdaanan / pinagdadaanan, and true enough, I don't think kaya ko yun pagdaanan.

Iyakin nga ako eh :) I just happen to have a very strong wall beside me :) Minsan on all sides pa ako sinasalo :) I'm going through it half-broken, I think; there's just GOOD people all over me picking me up and stitching me back into place every time.

the diary of a waiting heart

You told me before to wait. “It’ll come,” you said. I remember my heart slightly breaking, though it wasn’t enough to stop me from plodding on. In my heart I guess I knew you were saying the truth. Foolish of me, maybe… Why would you believe someone you barely knew? Someone you just met. Someone who moved in a world entirely different from yours. To these questions, I was met by silence. But still I kept on.

At times, it was difficult, yes. I am not used to waiting, the selfish little princess that I was. I wanted everything all at once. The glimmer of light kept shining, never fading, but I reasoned I wanted a lighthouse, not a lamp from a fishing boat. Despite my protests, you circled your arms around me and whispered gently, “It’ll come. There’s no need to rush; just wait.”

Two years have almost passed. And I’m mighty glad I stayed.

Truth is, there was never a time when I ever thought of running away. So unlike the past. A bit unnerving actually, but surprisingly pleasant.

No single moment defines this, and that’s exactly how I like it – memorable moments cupped somewhere between our 2-block walks, unforgettable lines said at the most unexpected times, meaningful touches during our weekend trips. And sometime, somewhere between these moments, I realized my waiting is finally over and I’ve finally come home.

They've been great, and I love them to bits :)



----
I miss shopping... for me.

It's gonna be a long time before I'm able to do so again :) Others come first now :)

stressballs

I'm stressed! :)

Mahilig lang talaga ako sa smiley face kaya kahit stressed, may smiley face pa rin. Pero stressed talaga ako. But I guess things could be worse :)

Tapos eto ang status message ni Mars sa YM:
Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don't deserve to be a part of your life.

So keribels ang stress.

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Feeling ko may split personality na ata ako, maya-maya stressed o di kaya malungkot, maya-maya masaya. Nakuuuuu :P

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I miss my DKS cube :( Maliwanag kasi dun tapos pag stressed, tingin ka lang sa tabi-tabi tapos magyaya ka puntang Starbucks o di kaya maglakad-lakad. Dito, puwede siguro ako magyaya papunta sa pagawaan ng Surf. Ano naman kaya masinghot ko dun. Huhuhu ang lungkot :(

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I wonder if it's only boys who experience wedding jitters. Yung bang tingin-tingin pa sa iba habang palapit nang palapit na ang kasal... Nakuuuuu.

(Pero di si Jai ang tinutukoy ko ha... Although sabihan niya raw ako pag nangyari din sa kanya ito... Grrr. Boys talaga.)

breaktime

Mga maliliit na rants ko today:

- Yung ate dito sa office :(

Umutang kasi siya ng P400 dating-dati pa. At parang wala na siyang balak bayaran ever. Ok lang naman since mas kailangan niya yun (although kailangan ko rin naman ng pera diba....) kaso kakainis yung wala man lang effort na lapitan ako at mag-sorry na hindi pa niya nababayaran. Dinadaan-daanan lang ako, hmpf. Ako pa nahihiya pag nagkakasalubong kami kasi di ko alam kung tatarayan ko ba or hindi. Ayaw ko pa naman naniningil ng utang :( Grrrr.

- May nag-message sa'kin sa Friendster na college-mate (di kami close ha, as in magka-batch lang at classmates sa ibang subjects). Ang message niya: "Diba Dong ang pangalan ng bf mo? Bakit Jai na yung ngayon sa pictures? Bago na ba yan?"

@$@%#*%@*)%*$^@WTE*$)*@!!

Hello!! Hindi ako naiinis dahil sobrang huli na sya sa balita - nakakainis dahil di naman kami close at para pa syang The Buzz kung mang-intriga. Daig pa ang mga totoong kaibigan ko. Hindi ko naman siya tinatanong kung bago na rin ba yung bf niya, ano ba kasing pakealam ko dun.

Hay, some people. Bad vibes, tsk tsk. Kain muna ako para happy tummy. Sana may guinataan or champorado sa canteen... :)

good mems :)

Was browsing through my old pictures and came up with these 2 pictures :)

Both taken New Year's Eve 2007, New York! Parang kelan lang :) Pero dami na nangyari since then. Good memories though. Sana makabalik pa kami :)





And 2009's just around the corner.... :)

anton, where are you? :)

Ay may naisip pala ako kanina -
Sabi ni Anton dati nung "nagpahula" ako - may nakikita daw syang boy na maliit na umaaligid-aligid sa'kin.. At may significance daw ang number 4 sa aking stint sa Unilever..

At nung bumisita sya sa DKS nung wala na ako, kinakamusta nya ako.. Hmmmmm..

Siyempre nung una ko narinig yung hula, ang una ko naisip, yung little boy yung spirit na lagi kong kasama (yun kasi yung kasagsagan na nakikita nya kung ilang spirits ang kasama namin :))... Hindi pala :)

I have a strong feeling he did see the future that day at kaya nya ako kinakamusta nung napabisita siya sa office :) Yung number 4 = my 4th month in Uni when I learned the news :)

So, gusto ko makausap ulit si Anton.. Asan na ba yun? :)

troubled thoughts

Don't you wish sometimes people just leave you alone? Let you be, let you cry till you can't cry anymore. Funny to some, maybe, but sometimes it does help. It may be a couple of hours wasted since it doesn't get you anywhere nearer a solution, but it really really really helps. Can't explain clearly though how exactly it does that.......

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I wasn't born with a golden spoon, but I know a lot of people have (or had) it worse than me. But that doesn't deny me of my right to worry, does it? :( It might make me look like an ass - worrying about something that's not even a fraction of what others go through - but I can't help it. Walking in an unknown territory is always scary, especially if it's your first time.

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I really feel alone at times. Like no one understands.....in the exact way I'd want them to. Siguro nga it's the irony of life - you have your family and friends, but you walk your own path, no one can walk it for you in the exact pace and in the exact same direction. Your footsteps are uniquely yours - others' may be too big, while some may be too small.. Others' could be the right size, just not the exact same shape.

And I don't know why that thought saddens me tonight.

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Anyway.. not to worry.. Tomorrow's another day.