break me

... If there's no other way
To make me whole
Go ahead and break me
Then REMAKE me.

... I won't give up
Because I know
You won't give up on me.

-- Break Me
Gary Valenciano

sound bite

I heard this in Mass earlier today:



It somehow made my day :) When all else fails, know that Someone up there thinks you're wonderful :)

take me back to...

1. Subway zoo :)
2. The 5-minute walk to the office
3. Bryan Adams’ 18 Till I Die :)
4. Ebe…
5. … and his kick-ass car
6. Brownstone’s huge servings (imagine having steak for breakfast)
7. Layers and layers of clothes
8. Central Park and its beautiful foliage
9. Endless pictures
10. My very own apartment
11. Grocery-shopping on my own (with my small trolley in tow)
12. Deciding what to eat
13. WIFI!
14. Stawberry
15. Times Square at night
16. Bagel with cream cheese
17. Ice-skating :)
18. The Brooklyn Bridge
19. The scary receptionists in Park Row (“Good morning, Princess!” =D)
20. My desk in 60 Wall Street
21. House parties
22. Rockefeller Center, Wollman Rink, and Briant Park :) :) :)
23. Carmine’s
24. Serendipity 3
25. Yellow cabs all around
26. SOHO
27. Seeing someone familiarly Pinoy-looking
28. Online shopping
29. Borders
30. Online sessions with my family
31. Eggs for breakfast – almost every single day
32. Chinatown
33. The sight of Ground 0
34. Nestea Iced Tea na naka-pack parang Tropicana na malaking tetra pack
35. JFK Airport


Manila is still home to me, but I miss New York :)

cutting off the flow

I never thought I'd say this (yes, I am that immature, I think), but accepting your weaknesses feels surprisingly good.

And I don't just mean being insecure and sulking in one corner to nurse your wounds. Doing that, based on personal experience, just adds to the feeling of inferiority, but if you willingly admit to yourself and to others that there is something lacking and proceed to address that area of concern, it feels different.

Liberating. As if a huge burden was lifted from your shoulders.

I do think that I'm weak in many areas. Insecure nga diba? Before, I only want to admit it to myself. Or if I admit it to someone else, I half-heartedly hope that he'll refute it and milk my ego in the opposite direction. I realized that approach doesn't do me any good - because my weaknesses just sit there, passively waiting to be accepted and to be worked on. There's no growth.

Then I realize that when I voice out that I need help, people will help me.

I realize that if I accept criticism in a constructive way, it leads me somewhere good. And that criticism is sometimes just that - criticism. There's no need to deliberately play it again and again in your head to try and discover what hidden meaning it has. At talagang minsan, trabaho lang, walang personalan.

And I realize that when a weakness develops slowly into a strength because you did something about it, it's a feeling like no other.

when she cries

I wish and hope and pray I can be the "she" in the song. It's two-fold: I pray I can grow to be that good of a partner and that someone feels my pain whenever I hurt.


The road I have traveled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true
When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
And she does her best to hide the pain that she's been through

She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believed
She'd be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I'd like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fill her loving eyes

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

-- When She Cries
Restless Heart

And I so hate Wendy and Bruce for making this song "their song." Yuck.

dreamland

I have this silly dream. Yes, I know it's silly but I can't take my mind off it, so I guess it's worth writing a blog entry for. I was raring to go to sleep last night but I just couldn't - all because I kept imagining the "dream."

I want to go to a ball. And wear a gorgeous floor-length dress. Yun lang. Hehehe.

I know the timing is not good - I'm 23 years old, and the era of proms and dances and debut celebrations have long come and gone. It's also too early to start going to weddings. But I just really really really want to know how it feels like to wear a nice dress.

See, the only time that I got to wear a dress was way back in High School. And High School days for me meant practically forcing my mom to give me money for something I want. She really didn't fork over that easily those days and buying a to-die-for gown was probably the least of her priorities. Well, not really.. I know she wanted me to look nice, but we had to work around a budget. I ended up wearing this plain black dress, and I remember I kept looking at some of the girls in our class and thought they all looked amazing and wondered if their dress would look good on me and.. and.. and..

So I was tossing and turning last night, all because of "the dress." I've actually thought of buying one just to quell this weird fantasy. But the image of me coming home with a ball gown in one hand that I won't get to use till who-knows-when would probably be the butt of all jokes for a long long time. So never mind... :)

The irony here is that as much as I want to keep on fantasizing about the dress, I also want to keep it down to a minimum. You know those times when you keep on playing something in your head and then when it actually happens, you feel that there's something missing? That you dreamt it to reality but over-dreaming made the magic go away? I'm not talking about Cinderella-esque-magic here, but I wish this one dream, no matter how silly it may seem, would live up to its hype. I wish I'd find that one dress I'd love to bits, have someone who'll tell me I'll look beautiful in it, and go home with a smile on my face, wishing I can relive the night over and over again.