Being in an relationship with someone from a different religion elicits a lot of questions from friends and acquaintances alike. I'm used to questions such as "Are you converting?", "Mahirap ba?", "Paano yung babies nyo?", and the ever-funny question "So pano yan pag may ibang asawa si Jai?" Hahaha (VERY sarcastic laugh)!
But seriously.. You ask, is it difficult? Yes, at times. I actually cried when he got "baptized" to Islam. It's not because I don't like Islam - it's just the finality that it signified: my baby, my own flesh and blood, won't be joining me in prayer. I know I said yes to Khalel being a Muslim many many months before... but I guess it really didn't sink in until I saw him being dedicated to Allah. I cried also because it's a ritual that's very different from what I am accustomed to. It is difficult on Sundays - when we have to arrange for a setup where I can hear Mass and he'll have someone else to help him with Khalel. But I find it so ironic that people think it's just difficult FOR ME and not for him. Is it because we're a predominantly Christian country? It is difficult for him not to be with me during Fridays - when they say their prayers... Difficult for him during Ramadan because he can't eat with us. Difficult for him because he has to politely decline meals prepared by my family because it has the occasional hotdog. I do believe though it's a choice - whether we make it doubly hard for ourselves or not.
See, I love being a Catholic. I love going to Mass. I love celebrating it with my whole family every Sunday. I'm far from being an ideal Catholic - but I do recognize God's hand in my life... I recognize his power, his mercy, his unconditional LOVE for all of us. I know my parents and close friends have several misgivings about my relationship with Jai and vice-versa - we (me & Jai) have talked about it and we are, funnily enough, ok with it. It makes us all the more appreciative of their support despite their initial misgivings.
Being exposed to Islam has taught me several things. I've learned Jesus is a very special prophet in their religion. It is deemed that Christianity is the closest religion to Islam. They recognize our prophets - Abraham, Moses, Jacob, etc. It was Angel Gabriel who relayed the message of Islam to Muhammad. Their 5 pillars are belief in one God, prayer, charity, fasting and pilgrimage - in that order. The age-long tradition of having more than 1 wife stemmed from women being widowed because of war - the men in their community take it upon themselves to support the widows and their children. It's just that some men abuse this "freedom" to have multiple wives, especially in recent times. Since we are not at war these days, I don't support Jai getting a second wife for himself hahaha :) The very essence of Islam is actually not that different from Christianity. And knowing all these things makes me wonder why we have such crude notions about it and Muslims in general.
I do believe we worship the same God, we just call him by different names. This is why religion has never been one of my criteria when choosing whom I'm going to spend the rest of my life with or even go on a date with. I know some people may not have a similar view as mine, and I respect that... it is for this reason that I somehow expect the world to understand mine.
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I was browsing Facebook the other day and I just realized - I am so happy I decided to let go!!! Hahaha (pero serious iyon :)) I don't like blogging na semi-blind item, pero ayaw ko rin mag-mention ng specifics hahaha :)
I remember why I let go. How I did it. when and where I did it. And I don't regret it one bit! I remember kasi the last time I refused to let go. I remember it quite distinctly, despite my very bad, anesthesia-muddled memory. I would cry buckets and buckets of tears in the office, pour my heart out to Jen and Jelaine (and to Mark, occasionally..). I think in my heart of hearts, I knew it was the last time I was going to cry. That I deserve so much better. That I had given it truly my all but it always wasn't enough. In short, bingo na.
Jai is a gem (or girls lang ba ang tinatawag na gems?? but anywaaaayyy...) :) And I am so lucky to have him :)
(despite the occasional please-don't-disturb-me-with-housechores-I-am-busy-with-my-PS2 moments, which are very frustrating, believe me!!)
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5 more months till June 28! :)
And I am excited! And panicking at the same time!!!
If for some reason, Jai, you're going to read this, please remember:
- submit the music to Belle
- the judge
- your suit
- the bridal car
- the emcee
- and something about the invites that I still have to talk to you about :P
I will just add on to this list pag may naalala akong assignment mo :) This way, you won't accuse me of being a nagging bride-zilla!!! So check this entry from time to time hahahaa :)
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5 comments:
Thank you for writing this entry. I don't remember if I've told you that Steve isn't Catholic so like you, we've had to face a lot of questions and of course challenges related to it.
I agree with your sentiment, both parties have just the same amount of challenges. I think it's just harder for some who have known Catholicism or have been surrounded by it all their lives to be able to see the other side. Just because the other person isn't the same religion as you doesn't make them bad or necessarily worse. :)
btw, I'm excited for you on your wedding!
Hi Karen! Yup I know that Steve isn't Catholic :) Yes there are really a lot of challenges for people who are in relationships like ours.. Pero ok lang yun :) As long as you and Steve are ok with each other, wala namang magagawa yung sinasabi ng iba :)
Is it much of an issue there in Canada? Kasi nung pumunta kaming US, parang hindi naman issue sa kanila na iba yung religion nung bf/gf nila.. I think it's just an issue here in the Phils bec we're predominantly Catholic talaga.
Re: wedding - ha! It's stressful! And btw, I had dinner with Jen, Jela, and Mark last week. They were all asking if you were going to the wedding hahahah :) They're excited to meet you in person :P Of course if you happen to be in Manila by June, I'd love if you can come to the wedding :)
It's not too much of an issue here in Canada especially in Toronto because it's so diverse and it's not uncommon for people of different cultures and religious backgrounds to marry. But everyone still asks.. siguro out of curiousity or maybe they ask because Steve and I are both religious by nature so they know how big of a deal it can be.
I have to be honest and say that it was a much bigger deal for both our families. Sila talaga yung concerned in the beginning. It has simmered down since then and everyone's pretty much okay with it. It still somewhat comes up during family reunions but I have cousins who have also married non-Catholics so it's becoming the norm almost. :)
Ay naku, planning a wedding can be super stressful. Ilang beses din akong umiyak due to frustration. But it will all eventually fall into place. For me, it was most stressful in the beginning when we were still deciding on where to have the wedding, the motif, deciding on invitations, making the guest list, finding the dress and the suit, etc. Pero once we had all those finalized, it was just a matter of waiting for the day itself. :)
I'd love to come to your wedding! I'm just not sure if we'll be able to come to the Philippines in June but we'll see :P I really want to visit the Philippines this year since I've been gone for 5 years now. I would love to meet Jen, Jela and Mark too! I saw the pics you guys posted on FB the other day. Please give my regards to them and tell them we will all eventually meet each other!!
I think it really does get easier as time passes by. People will see naman that we are trying to make it work.
Have you decided already what the religion of your children will be? Yun kasi yung medyo mahirap.. Here, nasusunod mostly ang guys (especially because Islam is a very patriarchal religion), but I also know some kids who take the religion of their moms..
When they asked nga if "Karen" is coming to the wedding - I said yes, she's invited but I was thinking about the other Karen we know (our officemate in AIG back then). Tapos sabi nila, hindi, hindi yung Karen na yun. Tapos ako, parang, huh, may iba pa ba tayong common friend na Karen?? Hahaha. Hindi ko pa rin kayo ma-connect automatically with each other!! Hahaha! It's so funny how you guys have become friends, even in the virtual world pa lang :)
Hi Bom! Sorry for the late reply to your question. Our kids will decide on their own if they want to be baptized. I would explain further but it is quite complicated and difficult to explain here. lol
Ako rin, I'm amazed that I've become friends with Jen, Jela and Mak kahit through Blogger lang and Facebook. Hahaha! But I really do like them and I really enjoy their personalities even when it's just through their posts. It's good to know that they would like to meet me too. =)
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