the start of something new..

My 3 supervisors (Unit Head, Department Head, and CFO) already signed/approved my resignation letter, which officially signalled the start of my 30-day notice. I should be doing cartwheels now since I've done nothing but complain, but surprisingly, I’m a bit sad. Sad is not good, because it makes me re-evaluate my options, re-think if I really want to leave, if I can still take my letter back.

Seeing our CFO’s signature just seemed so final. It’s as if I turned the "last" page of my childhood storybook expecting 10 pages more, but the hard cardboard back cover is all I get. It’s so ironic, because when they were trying to convince me that AIG is still the way to go, I kept on rolling my eyes (not in front of them, of course), but when they finally let me go, alarm bells started ringing in my head.

More than being supervisors, I would like to think that they’ve become my friends as well, even though we definitely don't belong to the same generation, and it’s the friendship that’s a bit hard to let go of. Then there’s the nagging question inside your head whether you’ll find supervisors as nice as them in your next company.

There’s also the question of whether or not the next job waiting for me is as good as my present job – in terms of responsibilities. Truth be told, although I complain a lot, I love working. I like being productive. I like the feeling that someone is depending on you. I like the feeling that you’re trusted to make accurate reports and decisions. I don’t like not having anything to do for even half or even a quarter of my day. I do welcome a little break every now and then especially if it comes after up-to-my-eyeballs deadlines, but in all honesty, I love my job, as well as the pressure and the overtime that come with it (and don’t get me started on the people I work with or else I might just beg my supervisors to take me back, yeck!).

But I guess I really won’t know what I truly want if I don’t make my move now. 2 years from now or even a year from now, I’ll be too immersed in Finance that nobody, in their right minds, would accept me for, say, a Marketing position. I believe I’m at that stage where I know enough about Finance that I can confidently look any interviewer in the eye and say “I am worth P100K every month.” -- just kidding about the amount, just empathically trying to get my point across – I am confident about my worth, because I know I’ve worked my balls off the past 2 years. On the other hand, I am also young enough to be trained in another field where my true passion probably lies.

I’m still sad though = (

But I’m also excited about the start of something new.