your great love

This is one question that always piques my interest. I got this from GirlTalk; there's this one poster who always have interesting questions and answers :) Sa kanya galing both question at answer that I'm posting below.

Do you believe in the concept of the great love? That person who will, using their words, shakes you to your core and changes your life? If you do, how many great loves do you think you'll have in this lifetime? Are you currently with a great love? If not, how do you proceed when you've lost a great love?

I remember that line in New Amsterdam. Amsterdam on his quest to find his true love was asked, "Have you ever been in love?" then he hesitated and said, "I have loved." The guy replied, "Yeah well, it's a different thing." That scene got me thinking that you can love a lot of people talaga in this lifetime but there's one person who will stand out. Someone you will choose over and over again. Someone you will love beyond compare.

I didn't officially get to be with my great love for a long time. Officially, it lasted about 3 months but it's still ongoing. People kasi only saw, had a glimpse of the good times but in reality, the magical, nakakakilig na part of it all lasted only about a month. I can't count how many times we've pushed each other away, how horribly we've treated each other. The thing is, we didn't break up because we gave up on each other. We broke up because we're not as strong as our commitments, not as sturdy as the situations we are in.

Despite all that, I can honestly say that the time I had with him and have yet (hopefully) to come, had been the greatest time of my life. It was the one time I was alive, I was at peace, content. He made me break all my rules, made me change my outlook in life, made me appreciate who I am and what I have. If I think about it, what he's given me is more than I can ever give him.

Now I have a former lover, a very good friend, sometimes I feel like a real best friend, a partner. Despite the distance and the many hours, days, spent without each other, nothing has changed. Even if I don't have him, there are no contracts binding us, I remain faithful, strong-willed and optimistic as ever. There are a lot of wars going on in my head, enough to make anyone insane, but I realized that a big part of commitment, of love, is the unfailing attempt to understand someone.

I still dream of a happy ending for us, no matter how seemingly impossible it is, no matter how defeated I sometimes get. However, I think I can also welcome the idea that there will be another man. He won't be better because people aren't like lightbulbs or gadgets. No such thing as better. Maybe there will be love but I highly doubt it will surpass what I had with the great love. I think it will be a relationship that will make a lot of sense, you know, exactly how seahorses do it. It could be good but it won't be great.

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Personally, I don't want to settle. I don't want to settle for someone who's not my One Great Love, and I refuse also to be someone's partner if I'm not his One Great Love either. This applies as well to current partners (the boys we call our boyfriends :)). Kasi I won't give up naman on former loves if I'm convinced they're my Great Love/s. I don't think anyone should. Why do such a thing?

A lot of people say, their Great Love was someone whom they shared huge sparks with, tipong whirlwind romance talaga, di lang talaga nag-work - as compared to the person they married, whom they call their Comfortable Love. Hindi ba puwedeng pareho ito? Ang sad :( I pray everyone experiences both at the same time, at varying degrees of course. I'm not talking about huge sparks when you're 50, 60 years old, but you still know and remember what made you fall in love in the first place.

I'm confused if settling for someone whom you're just comfortable with leaves you with a lot of what ifs and means days of reminiscing and blurting out someone else's name even if you're with your present. Yikes.

"It could be good but it won't be great." -- Good's not good enough, I want someone Great :)